A New Zealand radio presenter who suffered two miscarriages in less than twelve months has opened up about her heartbreaking ordeal to combat the ‘weird stigma’ around losing a child.
Radio and television presenter Sharyn Casey penned a moving blog entry titled ‘Real Talk on: Miscarriages’ where the X-Factor co-host revealed that she sometimes still weeps when she thinks about the two children she and her husband Bryce lost last year.
Ms Casey starts by expressing the pure elation she felt after learning that she was pregnant with her first child.
Radio and television presenter Sharyn Casey penned a moving blog entry where she revealed that she still sometimes weeps when she thinks about the two children she and her husband Bryce lost last year
Ms Casey and her husband Bryce were elated once they found out that the radio personality was pregnant
‘I have never felt such intense love for something I’d never met, It was like when you first fall in love with your soul mate on steroids,’ she wrote in her blog.
The television personality said that after learning she was carrying a child she started watching what she ate, considering how exercise or stress could affect the baby and laying awake fantasising about what her family might look like.
But her excitement quickly turned to devastation after she and her husband attended a six week scan where doctors were unable to find a heartbeat.
‘Bryce and I go home we both just cry and cry, coming in waves of forgetting then remembering for the next few days – waking up was the worst when you would remember again and then BAM waves of tears.’
Ms Casey was then confronted with the physical miscarriage which fell on a day she could not miss work.
She was forced smile through the painful process as she juggled the demands of her television and radio commitments which included recording a highlight segment, doing a live cross, learning how to read an auto cue and participating in her regular radio show.
Ms Casey was then confronted with the physical miscarriage which fell on a day she could not miss work
She was forced smile through the painful process as she juggled the demands of her television and radio commitments
Ms Casey said that she and her husband went through the nightmare ‘in silence’ as they both felt too embarrassed to even tell their closest friends
She said she and her husband went through the nightmare ‘in silence’ as they both felt too embarrassed to even tell their closest friends.
Some months later, after taking some time to mourn the first loss, Ms Casey got pregnant for a second time, stating she had ‘never been happier’ than when she saw two positive lines on her pregnancy test.
That happiness was also short-lived. She said her ‘world started to spin again’ after learning that her human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) levels were abnormally low which can indicate a possible miscarriage.
‘I did an urgent blood test the next morning and my doctor had the results but for 7 hours avoided my phone calls because she quote ‘doesn’t like giving this sort of news over the phone’,’ she wrote.
That night the doctor confirmed to a heartbroken Ms Casey that she would lose her baby for a second time.
‘She then went on to tell me that ‘After a third one, we can refer you to a fertility doctor’ which enraged me, I didn’t want to have a third one.’
Some months later, after taking some time to mourn the first loss, Ms Casey got pregnant for a second time
However, her happiness was short-lived as she soon realised she had a hormone imbalance which can indicate a miscarriage
She explains that the miscarriage felt as if it carried a ‘weird stigma’ that you have failed as a parent.
Ms Casey said she felt as if she should have been embarrassed to have lost a child but after suffering through the ordeal once before, she knew she was not alone.
‘A lot of women miscarry, it’s horrible but it also shows that you’re not a loser,’ she said.
‘I couldn’t believe it when women that I idolised at work who I thought had it all, that were the most kick ass powerful women pulled me aside and told me they had been through it too and shared their experience, you never would’ve known and they both went on to have beautiful children after it.’
For women who have been through the awful experience, Ms Casey said not to feel guilty for grieving as it can take a while for the pain to subside.
‘Hell I still cry in the toilets at work sometimes or have days when I just don’t want to talk to anyone cause it gets a bit too real for me and I feel left behind.’
‘Hell I still cry in the toilets at work sometimes or have days when I just don’t want to talk to anyone cause it gets a bit too real for me and I feel left behind,’ she wrote
She said that being positive for the sake of others feels natural but soon-to-be parents who have lost a child should be allowed to feel a whole gamut of emotions without fear of offending someone else.
‘Don’t suffer in silence, talk to people about how you’re feeling, grieve for your loss and don’t ever think you’re less because you had one, cause you’re not.’
Ms Casey and her husband decided to start trying for another child, but are both still reminded of the two babies they lost each month they are unsuccessful.
While the pain is still fresh, she said Mr Casey often reminds her that ‘it takes a bit longer to bake the really awesome kids’ so their future child must be ‘pretty awesome’ seeing as they have been forced to wait for so long.
Ms Casey said that while people may think she wrote the post for pity, in actual fact she wrote it to create awareness about what it feels like to lose a baby you had your heart set on raising.
‘I want other couples to know that you don’t have to hide the fact you had a miscarriage, that was your baby. You had dreams for that baby. You loved that baby and you do not have to hide that.’