Scott Disick has admitted he was suicidal when he split from long-term love Kourtney Kardashian.
Scott had already been shown in tears in sneak peaks of Keeping Up With The Kardashians as he finally confronted Kourtney and her sisters three months after she dumped him for cheating on her.
But now the full tearful confession to Kourtney and her sisters Kim and Khloe as well as her mom Kris Jenner shows just how desperately despondent Scott was after admitting he ruined everything he cherished in life.
Scott Disick has admitted he was suicidal when he split from long-term love Kourtney Kardashian during Sunday’s Keeping Up With The Kardashians
‘If I didn’t have those kids I would kill myself,’ Scott sobbed, referring to his and Kourtney’s three children Mason, Penelope and baby Reign.
However, he insisted: ‘But I have them and I’m gonna be here. And I’m going to make it right for them, y’know?’
Scott had initially used his confession time to sob about how tragic his life had been without them all, especially since he was an only child who had only recently lost both parents.
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But he also used it as a plea to get back with Kourtney, insisting that he had seen the error of his ways.
‘I want to be able to be the man that you’ve always wanted,’ he insisted, seemingly heartfelt.
‘I could party, I could go out every night, whatever – it’s not the life I really want.
‘I know what I want – and may not get it – but I know that I would literally hate myself for the rest of my life If I didn’t at least try.’
With all but Khloe having been left in tears, Scott continued: ‘And I realize that If I don’t make a change now it will never be OK, and it may not – but I’m damn well going to try and I just wanted you guys to know.’
Telling them he ‘wanted to see you guys,’ he told them: ‘And I just love you guys and miss you all so much, y’know?’
‘We love you too,’ the women replied – although tellingly not Kourtney, who was shown mostly staring blankly at Scott during his confession.
In fact, while Khloe bombarded him with questions – and Kris spoke up in his defense – Kourtney only spoke once during the meeting.
She had sat straight-faced while Khloe told Scott that her sister ‘wants to see that you have faith in your own self so she can believe in you that much stronger,’ while Kim told him: ‘I don’t think it’s healthy for Kourtney to spend so much energy always helping you when all you do is **** on her.
‘And I want someone who also helps me,’ Kourtney said, finally breaking her silence to point out to her ex that a relationship should not be so one-sided.
‘I want to help you,’ he insisted. ‘I agree – you need somebody that you can stand on.’
After thanking them for their time, Scott walked out of the house – and the camera lingered on the front door which lingered slightly agape, perhaps trying to suggest that the door remained open for Scott, too.
But talking later to camera, Kourtney admitted to still being skeptical. ‘I think Scott always means it when he says he wants to make a change, I just think he really doesn’t know how to get there,’ she said.
The meeting was a surprise for everyone but Kris, who appeared to have orchestrated for them all to be there when she agreed to have a heart-to-heart wit Scott herself.
‘I was just coming to say hi to your mom, I don’t know every person in the world was here,’ Scott had first told Courtney on walking in, his voice quivering with nerves.
And Kourtney also admitted later: ‘I knew that my mom and Scott have been trying to have a conversation. But I had no idea that today was when they were going to be talking. I’m just a little bit caught off-guard – it just makes me a little bit anxious.’
After sitting down in chair facing the women, Khloe initially showed she ready for the attack, mocking Scott as she asked: ‘Are you going to cry?’
‘I don’t think you need to make fun of me,’ he replied, sarcastically adding that he was ‘in a pretty awesome place in my life, it’s been really easy….’
He then complained about how hard it was seeing photos of his children with the rest of the family on their vacation to St Barths, saying it was ‘the first trip I’ve never been on with my own kids.’
‘I was so jealous and scared that I chartered a plane and brought a bunch of people to Mexico that I didn’t even know!’ he said, explaining why he turned up to family friend Joe Francis’s island getaway with a group of girls, getting kicked out for doing so.
‘Just to, like, make myself feel better, and all it’s done is make me feel worse.’
He then made himself the victim, crying about how the Kardashians ‘were the only people I ever had,’ adding: ‘Being an only child and then not even having parents, it’s very scary.’
Khloe immediately cut in, stressing: ‘You made that choice, so don’t put that on our shoulders. You’re not going to shift blame.’
‘I’m not shifting blame, I realize I’m in the wrong, and I’ve been in the wrong a long time,’ Scott admitted.
‘Trust me, if you didn’t have one person alive in your family and you went through your divorce with Lamar, you wouldn’t be doing all that way. You guys are super, super lucky that you have each other.
‘And I’m not here to make excuses and justify and try and get anybody to be on my side…
‘It was weird for me to lose not just her but everyone I know.’
‘This is the stuff that I don’t understand,’ Khloe told him. ‘You say, ‘Oh I don’t have a family and I don’t have all these things,’ and then we give you one. Why do you, like, destroy it?’
Scott replied: ‘I’m sure you guys have heard a lot of horrible things about me that I should have been honest with, but I was too ashamed I was going to hurt everybody in this family, and not just her.
‘I’ve apologized to Kourtney a hundred times but I’ve never apologized to, like, all of you for letting all of you down and embarrassing you guys.’
His voice started cracking and tears flowing as he continued: ‘I understand I need to help myself way before I can help her or my kids or whatever, but it’s just been a really hard time going from like having all of you guys to having nobody, you know?’
As Kourtney wiped away tears, Scott continued: ‘I’m like living in a house by myself – I want to pick up the phone and call my mom and dad, like, ‘Tell me how the hell on your side do I figure this out? Should I go somewhere should I do something?
‘It’s not as easy as you think when you have addiction issues and …
‘I’m just so ashamed that I, like, publicly embarrassed all of you. You guys really did so much for me for many years
‘It kills me to the point that I feel like I can’t make it up.’
Kris was the only one to really defend Scott, saying: ‘People are human and they make mistakes. We’ve all been through enough s**t that I don’t think that anybody sitting here today is worried about the perception of being embarrassed. And I never want you to feel abandoned – I can’t imagine what that feels like.
‘I was very conflicted because I want to make sure you’re OK too. You’re the father of my grandchildren – we love you. You don’t just turn love off like a switch.’
But she broke down with tears of her own as she told him: ‘It breaks my heart to see her pain – it’s one of the hardest things you can go through as a mom, to see your kid struggling.
‘All that we ever wanted for you guys was to be happy – but you have to make the decision that what you want is to be a partner and a dad and involved and present and committed and you fight for what you want you need and you love and you show somebody.’
Scott proved to be key presence throughout the family trip to St Barths, with them constantly stressing over texts about him and images of him partying with girls.
Current also admitted to her mother that she was ‘not a dating person,’ and feared that she would never be able to move on, even turning down the advances of a hot fellow diner who approached one evening to tell her how beautiful she was.
At one point Kris asked if she could ‘see yourself with somebody else at some point one day,’ and Kourtney sadly admitted: ‘I don’t know.’
After admitting she never thinks about getting ‘The One,’ her mother asked: ‘Do you think The One is Scott?’
‘I don’t know,’ Kourtney said, adding after a pause: ‘I did.’
‘I really, really care for Scott, so it’s definitely heartbreaking for me to see everything crumble,’ Kris said later.
‘He’s the father of my grandchildren, and it’s inevitable that Kourtney and Scott will be in each other’s lives forever. So I want him to be strong and to get better. And I think that it would be nice if they had a fresh start.’
Kourtney’s sisters soon made a point of trying to boost Kourtney’s confidence in her sexiness to try to help her move on – with Kendall even planning for a photographer to come over and shoot a series of sexy snaps of her.
She was seen posing in an orange bikini and white shawl, with the photos getting so risqué she joked at one point: ‘Let’s not anyone shoot my vagina.’
When Khloe praises her for ‘making an effort to be the sexy goddess that you are,’ Kourtney confidently insisted: ‘No – no effort necessary.’
‘I have always been the queen,’ she added when Khloe handed her a crown she had been wearing. ‘I was the original queen and I took my crown back.’
Kendall had come up with the idea for the shoot, telling Kim and Khloe: ‘I just don’t think Kourtney realizes how bomb she is right now and I think a photoshoot will help her realize. I just wanna make her feel good – she deserves it!’,’
‘Sometimes I think Kourtney doesn’t get how hot she is,’ Khloe added. ‘The revenge body, as I know, is the best body.’
Khloe added later: ‘Scott is just jumping around town with these random chicks and Kourtney is way flyer than those girl will ever be. I hope Kourt knows that.
‘I know that doesn’t make it better, but just knowing that you’re a bad a** bitch is just all what life is about.’
The shoot also helped repair a rift that was sparked by Kendall’s jealous at seeing sister Kylie spend all her time with boyfriend Tyga instead of her.
Kendall had constantly moped around and shot daggers every time Kylie cuddled Tyga, later admitting: ‘It’s kind of annoying because I was really looking forward to being with Kylie on this trip. And it’s not even about Tyga, it’s more that just I know she will kind of be taken away from me.’
Kylie had initially been aggravated at claims she was snubbing her sister, telling their mother that Kendall is ‘so f***ing annoying’ when she was asked to spend more time with her.
But she insisted it was only seeing how thoughtful Kendall was in supporting Kourtney that she realized she should make the effort.
‘I feel like my sisters are always there for each other and that makes me miss that relationship with Kendall,’ she said.
She was seen going to Kendall’s room to make peace, telling her: ‘I was thinking about you all day.’
But Kendall admitted: ‘You know, I was really looking forward to this trip to just hang out with you? I was a little sad to see T. here, not that I don’t love him.’
After her sister called her words ‘kind of mean,’ Kendall insisted: ‘It’s actually really nice – you should like it that I want to pend time with you.’
As the made up, Kylie smiled as she bragged ‘I have a lot of people to please, I have a lot of people who love me – I’m really wanted. I’m just kidding!’
She admitted later: ‘I feel bad that Kendall’s hurt because I really didn’t mean for it to be that way.’
The sisters were then seen going on a hike with a personal trainer – both wearing skimpy skin-tight athletic shorts and bras, with Tyga telling him girlfriend he was looking at her ‘booty jiggling.’
But that was nothing compared to the jiggling viewers saw as Khloe did a water aerobics class, with her behind proudly splashing in the water.
‘Your butt is my motivation!’ Kourtney told her.
Cousins North West and Penelope shared adorable moments dressed up as mermaids – and then seeming confused when a woman came to their pool claiming to be a real mermaid.
‘Our kids are going to be traumatized forever,’ Kim said of the surreal experience.
And there were also lighter moments when Kris joked about how Kylie got her first tattoo, a tiny red heart on her arm, the second she turned 18 after ‘I told her for 18 years she couldn’t have a tattoo.’
She was then amused to see Tyga with a tattoo of Kylie’s name on his arm – leaving Kim open-mouthed in shock which he defended as his body art being ‘like a timeline of your life.’
Kim then poked fun at how missing brother Rob had inked over his tattoo of ex Adrienne Bailon with Rita Ora’s name, now also an ex – and how his weight gain had made it drastically change appearance to look more like a Cabbage Patch Doll than a sexy Barbie.
‘He covered it with a life-sized barbie doll of Rita that has now turned into a Cabbage Patch.’ Kim laughed.
‘Have you seen it lately? It was like a Barbie doll and has he gained weight it’s like a huge Cabbage Patch. Huge!’
Khloe also teased Kim for constantly taking selfies, telling Kendall: ‘Kim and I get into fights all the time because she’s constantly taking selfies.’
Kim then showed a photo she took as they were in a car taking Khloe to jail in 2008, where she ended up serving less than three hours of her 30-day sentence for DUI.
‘On my way to jail Kim was constantly taking selfies and Mom was like, ‘Kim, your sister’s going to jail!’ Khloe recalled.
‘When I was in jail Kim came in with her baby pink camera and was video taping me. Kim was laughing and she was like, ‘Are you with people’ and I was like, ’23 other girls’ and she was like, ‘OK!’
As they left St Barths, Kris insisted it was much needed break.
‘We’ve had a really drama-filled year, so it’s been really good to have a little break. I’m just hoping that this is the start of a new beginning,’ she said.