Leaving the hospital without her daughter Ariella was the hardest thing Larissa Genat has ever done.
Her precious baby girl was stillborn, and the grief Mrs Genat and her husband Marcus felt was beyond words.
At 39 weeks pregnant, doctors were unable to find their baby’s heartbeat.
Two days later Mrs Genat gave birth to her baby girl, Ariella Jade. The next day they went home without her.
There is no explanation for Ariella’s death, and Mrs Genat said she found it hard to tell people what had happened.
Lasting love: Larissa and Marcus Genat with their children Levi, two, and Seanna, six months, the couples first daughter Ariella was stillborn
Instead she started a blog, Deeper Still, to help others understand, and three years later she continues to write about how her love for Ariella will never die.
She told Daily Mail Australia by sharing her story she hopes to help other families who have lost a child.
‘There’s still hope, even after you’re babies died, life will never be the same, but it’s still possible to be happy and actually enjoy life,’ Mrs Ganet, of Adelaide, said.
‘I love her so much … it’s just trying to find different ways to express that love.’
The Ganets have two other children, Levi, two, and Seanna, six months, and said by sharing Ariella’s story and doing things in her memory they are able to show their love for her like they do their other children.
Here, Mrs Ganet shares one of her blog posts about Ariella she titled An Evolving Love.
‘Deeper Still’: Mrs Ganet started a blog, Deeper Still, so share Ariella’s story and help other families who have suffered the loss of a child, pictured with her daughter Seanna
AN EVOLVING LOVE
‘Love. It was the first thing I felt as I caught Ariella and lifted her out of the water onto my chest.
At that very moment, I didn’t care that she was stillborn – all I felt was love. A love so overwhelming that it actually felt like a physical wave hitting me.
After the most tumultuous two days of my life, she was finally in my arms. A daughter. The most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
And all I could think about was how much I loved her.
Soon enough, that overwhelming love manifesting itself in overwhelming grief.
Devastating: When Mrs Ganet was 39 weeks pregnant with the couples first child, doctors were unable to find a heartbeat
Eternal love: ‘It’s different, parenting a child in Heaven,’ Mrs Ganet said, pictured here with her son Levi
How could it not? Our beautiful girl would not grow up in our arms. It was quite a while before the grief began to seem less overwhelming and become bearable.
I still love Ariella just as much as I did three years ago at her birth but that love has evolved.
It’s different, parenting a child in Heaven. I didn’t know how I could do it or what it would look like. But I’m learning.
Instead of loving her toddle, first words or new skills, I love her impact on the world.
I love her for the friends she has brought into my live and for the hearts her story has touch.
Sharing her story: Mrs Ganet is able to show her love for her daughter Ariella by sharing her story and doing things in her memory, pictured with her daughter Seanna
Making a difference: ‘My little girl is impacting the world despite not being here,’ she said
I love how she changes the world each time someone donates in her memory or reaches out to a bereaved friend because of what her story taught them.
My little girl is impacting the world despite not being here! How amazing, and what a privilege to be her mama.
What does my love for Ariella look like three years on from the initial rush of overwhelming love and then grief?
‘Always and forever’: Mrs Genat said her love for Ariella has evolved to feel more settled, pictured with her son Levi and daughter Seanna
It’s evolved into a more settled love. Of course, it expresses itself differently at various times of the year (for example, grief is the dominant expression on her Heaven Day) but it usually feels settled, just like my love for my living children.
In the words of one of my favourite songs: “lost you before I found you, gone before you came. But I love you just the same.”
She may have died but my love for her did not. Ariella Jade – always and forever my loved baby.’
Mrs Genat also blogs for SANDS, an organisation for miscarriage, stillbith and newborn death support.